As we return to work post pandemic, our opportunities for interacting in person will increase. It was easy on virtual platforms like Zoom or Teams to address people by name as their name was imprinted on the tile right by their face. In person, unless nametags are used, we do not have the assist. Why is remembering names important?
Have you ever felt as if people forgot you even though they had been introduced to you? Have you ever felt guilty for forgetting a name or simple facts about someone you previously met?
All too often we are hearing a name and details about a person during an introduction. It takes a certain amount of focus to concentrate on the other person rather than on ourselves. We inaccurately think our ability or inability to remember relies on a good memory. Does it? Before our memory encodes information, motivation to actually receive the name and know the person must happen. Motivation to remember is the key.
How important is it to others that we do get their name? That we concentrate and focus on them? That we remember details they share of who they are?
To find out we can look at the research around being forgotten.
University of Aberdeen researchers measured how people interpreted being forgotten. At the beginning of the school year, they asked students to keep a journal for two weeks detailing every time their name was forgotten. The results, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, suggest that forgetting someone does send the message everyone fears: you weren’t interested in that person enough to remember things about them.
Those who were forgotten reported decreased sense of belonging and meaning in the world. As one student remarked, “It’s an insult, even though it’s completely innocent. By forgetting, you just told that person they’re a zero.”
Let’s take this one step further. Being forgotten takes a toll on people who deal with it often—especially if it coincides with other elements of discrimination. The researchers earliest inspiration for looking into forgetting came from witnessing a professor constantly mix up the names of two of his non-white graduate students.
The big question for scientists isn’t why people forget but why people remember certain things.
The big question for us is why aren’t we interested enough in those around us to focus on and value them rather than ourselves?